How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
