Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
