The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
