I think i sorta joined a cult last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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