I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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