Already got asked if we're dating
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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