are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
