Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
