There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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