Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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