so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
