just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize