I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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