Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
