thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
