Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Porn is love you can see.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
