Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize