its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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