I wanna passion pit in your ass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
