Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
