I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
