Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
