so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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