Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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