Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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