I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
