Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
