somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
