She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
