I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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