Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
