they need to just BURY HIM!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
