uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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