Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
