I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
