You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
