i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
