hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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