he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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