Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
