I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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