So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
