i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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