I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
