Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
