these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
