trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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