i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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