He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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