Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
