she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
