She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
