So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
