o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I currently don't understand fingers.
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