halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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