Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She told me I should be a condom model.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize