It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
