Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
