Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
