Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
