I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
