just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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