It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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