Tell her she can't have a vagina
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
