i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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