4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
