he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
