after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
