I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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