They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
