so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize