I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
