I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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