did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
