I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
