How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
