Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
