don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
