i will never coherently bang her
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
