Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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