Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
