i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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