You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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