so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
