ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Send help, water and tortillas.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
