There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
