Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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