you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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