it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
