I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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