i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
