Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
