literally had 100 drinks last night.
where am i from again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you never un-have a 4some
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
