I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
