OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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