You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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