I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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