You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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