Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
