it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
