i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
