Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm too high and old for this...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
