I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got inside last night via doggy door
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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