He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dick very happy bro
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
