My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize